Sick, Dirty Love
by S.ocd.H
Summary: "I shouldn't want to do these things, these disgusting, demeaning things. I shouldn't want to take her like I do. I should only want to make love with her. I shouldn't want to f**k her." Edward is desperately supressing his less than innocent thoughts about Bella, whilst she is trying to lure him into a dirtier kind of love. Smut, angst and more smut. Rated M. Set after Eclipse.


Greetings fellow readers! As you have probably guessed, this story has a lot of smut in it. If that's not your thing, then this isn't the story for you. Sick, Dirty Love takes place somewhere after Eclipse and before Breaking Dawn, during the period where Bella and Edward are engaged...and all too celibate.

Anyway, it's obviously Rated M. I don't own Twilight or any of its characters, as you may well presume. Please read and enjoy, even leave a review if you fancy!

**Full summery:**_I shouldn't want to do these things, these disgusting, demeaning things. I shouldn't want to take her like I do. I should only want to make love with her. I shouldn't want to f**k her. _In Edward's eyes, Bella is a stunning angel on a marble pedestal, a virginal goddess. Bella thinks she suffers the most, but little does she know that Edward is struggling with certain crude desires he is completely unfamiliar with.

Sick, Dirty Love

Hot, searing crescents are trailed down the slope of my neck and all across my collarbone, causing my grip on the sheets to tighten. His lips are parted and his icy breath brands my heated skin with each debilitating kiss he plants there. My heart is a fast beating drum, desperately thumping beneath my chest, just under his sculpted lips. I pant raggedly, frowning against the fiery sensation. I can feel a moan gathering thickly at the back of my throat. I hold it there, knowing all that one tiny sound of pleasure could take things to a place where Edward doesn't want to be, consequentially ending this.

His stony lips don't reverse their path back up to my lips as they usually would. Instead his mouth travels to the hollow feeling area between the tops of my breasts, kissing my hot flesh reverently.

Never before has his mouth ventured anywhere lower than my shoulders.

"_Oh_," I choke out lamely, heated, sensational knots forming in the pit of my stomach.

My body begins to react immediately. I can feel my nipples hardening to firm peaks, the thin sheet of my white tank top unable to conceal even the deep blush of my tips. Intimate moisture pours from me.

I silently will my embarrassing swells to sink down. I look down at him in awe, feeling a torturous, tingling need prickle over every inch of me, causing me to shiver. His lips are sensually caressing the tops of my breasts, a sight that makes my insides burn. I can't watch him silently. I close my eyes and let myself sink into the exquisite suffering. I have to enjoy the teasing pleasure while it lasts.

Edward's lips abruptly leave my skin. It's over. I sigh in a heady mixture of relief and disappointment. I open my eyes, expecting to find my fiancé awkwardly positioning himself away from me, perhaps retreating to the rocking chair, his safe haven. I was momentarily surprised to see him still above me, his coal black eyes glued on my breasts. His jaw is tense and pulsing, and his breathing deepens.

I cringe_. He must've noticed my nipples._

I open my mouth to speak but I'm utterly speechless, watching in fascination as Edward inhales deeply, his eyes closing as his mouth falls slack. His face is etched in something desperate. He begins to grind his teeth...enraged.

What have I done? I want to move away, to retreat in shame. My stupid physical reactions had actually pissed him off.

"Edward?"

His eyes flash open, intensely dark and urgent. He looks like he's deep in thought, fighting with something behind his tight eyes. He stops breathing altogether, keeping his eyes glued to mine, focusing entirely on my face. His gaze travels to my lip, which is currently being assaulted by my top teeth.

"I'm sorry, Bella," he whispers, something strange seeping into his voice. He breathes in shallowly, his posture beginning to slowly relax. I'm worried and he can tell. I couldn't decide whether he was apologising for stopping, or something else.

"Why? What's wrong?"

EPOV

_Focus._

I kiss the soft swells just above the seam of her paper thin tank top. My head is swimming with the sound of her panting, of her eagerness. I want my mouth lower. I want my mouth everywhere. My lips are in a place that speaks loudly of my desire, of where I want to put them.

She can't fathom how close I am to burying my face between her legs.

_Stop. She's Bella. This is Bella you're kissing. You're her fiancé, not Mike Newton._

_Then why can't I shift these beastly, depraved thoughts? She deserves more than this. My angelic mate deserves to made love to tenderly and lovingly. I shouldn't want to do these things, these disgusting, demeaning things. I shouldn't want to take her like I do. I should only want to make love with her. I shouldn't want to...to fuck her. _

Disgusted with myself, I pulled back from her delicate flesh. I could no longer place pleasure on her skin when it was built on some sort of twisted kind of desire. I had already spent most of my existence controlling a certain twisted desire. Adding this would surely be hell, and no longer a way of life?

Any existence with Bella in it can only be my heaven.

At my absence, a sigh blows past her lips, sending sweet breath into the air around us. Her chest heaves slightly, the action causing my eyes to travel. My eyes travelling to the full curves of her breasts beneath her flimsy bed clothes is only half involuntary. In an instant the sight of protruding tips assault my mind. Bella's nipples. They're hard, defined and I can see perfectly through the thin pathetic film of cotton clinging to her perspiring skin that her nipples are a creamy shade of light brown.

Perfection.

Pain.

_Suck them, _begged the monster within, hungrily and desperately. _Just...put them in your mouth. _

To my horror, I felt the long ago stirrings of arousal coil deep in my groin. No. Don't let yourself lose control. Don't disgust her, don't let her see you this way.

I almost didn't catch it but the sound of Bella's lips parting pulled me into the present, although my eyes didn't leave her beautiful tits.

_Tits? TIT'S?!_

And in that same horrifying second, Bella shifted slightly, her thighs parting an inch - maybe two. That one movement was enough to submerge me in a scent so delicious, so inviting, that I sunk right back into stifling arousal. I felt myself losing the battle against my body, feeling myself becoming fully erect, whilst holding myself above the woman I loved and respected most in the world. A normal man wouldn't have such invasive senses, wouldn't have the ability to detect the wetness exuding from her without physically touching her there. I quickly shut my eyes away from her beautiful chest and let myself taste her scent.

I knew exactly what that scent was, that moist, seductive heat. It was her arousal, her evidence. I'd caught traces of the heady scent before, soon understanding that it was her reaction to our small amount of physical intimacy. It had only been traces though, a sweet, tempting product of her sexuality for me to moon over. This, however, was much heavier, completely assaulting my senses to the point where I couldn't control my own reaction, something I'd trained myself to do with Bella.

Now I was harder than I'd ever been. It was intense to say the least.

"Edward?"

My name is a silken whisper on Bella's swollen lips and I respond to the sound before she's even finished saying my name. My eyes are on her eyes. I see the beautiful, innocent pools of chocolate and the desire in me begins to pale. What am I doing? Lusting crudely over such an angel! It is unthinkable.

"I'm sorry Bella."

She curled a radiant lock of chestnut hair behind her ear, frowning at my expression. I thought she could tell my apology ran deeper.

"Why? What's wrong?"

I wanted to stand. I longed to move away from that scorching scent.

At the same time, I wanted to press my face against her crotch and inhale with everything I had.

My lips pressed together in a firm line, and I immediately took my eyes off her. I didn't deserve to gaze upon such innocent beauty. I felt so ashamed. If she could read my mind she'd want to throttle me, surely.

"Edward, you're worrying me. Why won't you look at me?" Her voice is cracking with unshed tears, and I fight with myself. I look into her beautiful eyes, away from her breasts, and I smile feebly.

"I should hunt. Don't worry, everything is fine. I just...I think I need to blow off some steam," I say slowly. I choose my words carefully.

"So you're just gonna leave? Edward I know something's up," she mutters, irritated.

"It's nothing you need to worry about, we'll talk about it tomorrow night. I love you, Bella."

With my erection almost fully down, I stood, but not before placing a chaste kiss on her peach cheek. She looks up at me, face ashen. Could I really leave her this way?

Her arousal still hung heavy in the air, and I knew I couldn't control myself in this environment. I quickly exited through the window, escaping from her steaming allure before I found myself buried inside her.

~oOo~


End file.
